Our Family's Journey Through Embryo Adoption

Merry Christmas

2011-12-27T06:49:00.006-05:00

I don't even no where to begin. It has been forever since I have given an update. It has been a very busy month with Christmas celebrations and my return to work. It really was a difficult month to try to return to work with all the activities of the holidays, school being out etc. I hate being back to work, not the work so much as just devoting my time to something else when I already feel like I don't have enough time (to spend with each of my girls, do laundry, etc). However, I really do have the ideal work situation if a mom has to work. My benefits are great, pay is good. I work at home, part time (20 hrs) a week, my hours are fairly flexible. I do have to maintain a majority during the typical working day so others can communicate with me, but I am allowed to work a fair number of hours at night or weekends.I am trying to get most of my hours done on Tues and Thurs. We have my mom helping on Tues and our babysitter on Thurs. It is hard though to be at home trying to work as I can hear everything that is going on and often stop to help as the babysitter gets used to caring for twins on her own. Although I am spread too thin now, we feel that I just have to power through and things will be a lot easier in 6 months. We'll see, we have definitely talked about trying to cut back and do without my salary. It is a tough call.

Christmas was wonderful. We had lots of family around including DH's grandparents. They are such dear people and in such great shape even though they are fast approaching 90. They have been married 65 years!!

The twins are doing great! They are 7 months old now and so much fun. Both are sitting pretty well, though we have to keep the pillows around because they eventually either fall over or throw themselves forward to move to their bellies. Lizzie is getting very close to crawling. She can get up on all fours and rock back and forth. Almost time to pull out the baby gates! Neither have teeth yet. I should not be surprised, both of my older girls were 9 months before any emerged. Despite the lack of genetic connection, it seems our family gets teeth late!
I love seeing the twins interact. They wake each other up in the morning and spend time laughing and "talking" to each other. When I go get them they are all the way at the ends of their cribs looking at each other. It is also fun watching their individual personalities develop. I never expected them to be little clones of each other, but it is still fascinating to see how different they are. Elaina is very observant, always trying to imitate what you do. She loves making funny faces and is the more talkative of the two. Elizabeth is more social, always smiling at people and trying to get them to pay attention to her. She is more physically advanced and tries to get into things. They are both the sweetest and happiest babies the majority of the time.

4 Months!

2011-09-29T14:28:00.005-04:00

As usual it has been a while since my last post! We're are all doing really well. The twins are getting so big. They are just amazing and the whole family is in love. They are now 4 months and recently had their checkup. Lizzie weighed in at 13lbs 15oz and 24 in long. Lainie is 12lbs 8oz and 23.5 in long. Both are nice and healthy. There is the possibility that Lizzie may need to get a helmet to shape her head. Poor thing must have really been wedged inside me. She has had an oddly shaped melon since birth. However it is improving so we're going to wait a month or two and see if she improves further on her own. They are both rolling from their backs to their tummies, but have not figured out how to get back over, much to their frustration. Their different personalities are shining through. Right now Lizzie is our social butterfly. she smiles and coos at any one who pays attention to her. She has also decided that she would like to be held and thinks she needs a lot more attention than her sister. Lainie is very observant. She will lay on the play mat for long periods of time gazing at her hands or feet or studying her toys. She has also been noticing Lizzie. Today she was just staring and cooing at her. However, Lizzie does not seem to care yet! Both laugh and smile frequently especially at their big sisters.

Life is really crazy! It is hard to catch my breath. My mom is still coming 2 days a week to help out and I don't know if I could survive without her! I also went ahead and enrolled Emery in preschool two mornings a week. She is almost 3. I was going to wait until next year, but the timing felt right. I am supposed to go back to work in Dec. I plan on working Tuesday and Thursdays and I just did not feel good about leaving my 3 youngest home with the babysitter all day. It seemed like asking too much from my mom or the college student who helps us. So preschool gives Emery a diversion and the care giver a small break. Ella is loving kindergarten! She has a great teacher and is learning something every day.

The twins are still not sleeping through the night. I have tried some of the Babywise techniques that everyone seems to be talking about, but have not had fantastic results (we did not start until a month ago). I don't know if we're doing something wrong or if they just really need that late night feeding still. Unfortunately if we let them decide when they want it, they don't wake up at the same time. I guess it will all work itself out eventually!

We have tried rice cereal two nights now. Lainie is interested but Lizzie clamps her mouth shut! It really is kind of gross! But then again so is formula.

Still Here

2011-08-17T15:21:00.005-04:00

I am a terrible blogger these days! I have been keeping up with everyone else but just have not written anything myself. I am no good with lack of sleep. I think I lose about 20 IQ points! But my mom is visiting for a few days and I actually got 8 hours last night since she is kind enough to take the night shift!

We are all doing great. The babies are growing so fast. I love this more interactive age that we have entered where we get smiles and coos! Although they smile and "talk" all the time their sweet little laughs have been elusive. We try very hard to bring it out, but I am really the only one who has heard them so far. On separate occasions they have both started laughing as I rock them to sleep at night! Very funny. I guess they are just trying to string us along and see how silly they can make us look trying to get some giggles.

Last night we moved them both into their room! Previously we had set up camp in our family room downstairs. This worked better at first. When they were up at night we did not bother those sleeping upstairs and we could be close to the kitchen for quick bottle preparation. However, the last several nights it had become apparent that sharing a crib was no longer working. Our squirmy girls were not staying in their respective corners and kept turning themselves around and kicking each other. I think that is how it was in the womb too! I had read in a twin book how you may not need separate cribs until around 9 months. Well, not in our case if we want any sleep!

Our Birth Story

2011-06-13T14:18:00.004-04:00

I am finally enjoying a few quiet minutes and I have wanted to post about the twins birth for a while now. I don't want to forget too much and I know things are already fading! My memory doesn't function well with lack of sleep :-). This will probably be long so reader beware.

First of all, it is so special to me that they arrived on May 19th. That is my grandmother's birthday. Towards the beginning of my pregnancy I had read that twins usually arrive by 36-37 weeks and that some consider 37 weeks to be full term (though later I have found more often 38 weeks sited as full-term). Anyway I always gave May 19th as my due date when people asked since I thought that was more realistic than the 40-week mark. And I hoped they would share the day with my grandmother. That week my husband and I had actually (jokingly) been reminding the babies that they should please make their arrival on Thurs.

My 36-week appointment the week prior was uneventful. It was one of those 5 minute appointments where I wondered why I had bothered to come in! They did not check me to see if I was dilated and there was no ultrasound. All that fun was scheduled for the following week. My doctor was away delivering a baby so I actually only saw a nurse. I had wanted to discuss at what point we might induce as I was getting very uncomfortable and wondering how much longer I could make it! I wanted to establish a finish line but would have to wait until next week.

On the 18th (the day before I delivered) I felt really bad in the morning. My stomach was bothering me and I had absolutely no energy. Then by early afternoon I was absolutely famished from not eating in the morning and had a huge lunch. After lunch I was back to feeling crummy and was not able to eat dinner. But I was not having contractions or anything to make me think I was close to delivering.

I slept pretty well that night compared to how I had been sleeping. At around 4am my 2-year old woke up and had to go potty and be settled down again. While I was up I was feeling really good, no stomach issues. I was happy that it looked like today would be a better day than yesterday. After she was tucked back in bed, I tried to go back asleep but tossed and turned for a while. A few minutes after 5am I got up to go to the bathroom and before I had even taken 5 steps felt a rush of water. I woke up my husband right away and called the doctor who told me to go ahead and come in. After the phone call I had my first contractions. These aren't too bad I thought to myself. They're just like bad menstrual cramps.

We arrived at the hospital about an hour later. The hospital is close, it just took a while to pack a bag and get the older girls settled at our neighbors. When I arrived they ask several questions when admitting you: has your water broke? how far a part are your contractions? etc. Well, for the second question I felt really silly! At that point I had only had two contractions so I said an hour apart and he looked at me really funny.

It did not take long for the contractions to get much more frequent and much worse (this was no longer a little menstrual pain!). By the time I was up in my bed about another 45 minutes later they were starting to come about every five-ten minutes and I was already about 4cm dilated. Things looked good. Both babies were head down and ready to go. The rest of the day was a bit of a blur. I progressed pretty quickly for a first pregnancy. And time really seemed to move quickly. I had a few family visitors and it seemed like there was always something going on. The nurse or doctor coming in and checking something. It did not take long before the pain was so great that I was ready for an epidural. I was not opposed to it, though very nervous about the idea of getting one. I did not have a very set birth plan. I had just planned to take things as they came and if at some point the pain outweighed my fear of the epidural then I was fine with getting one. By 4pm I was fully dilated and ready to push. Unfortunately there was a lady down the hall who needed an emergency c-section and there is only one operating room on the maternity floor so I would have to wait until she was done. They make mom's of twins deliver in the operating room instead of their own rooms because of the higher risk even if no c-section is needed. Well it was not until 6:30 that I was able to make that journey.

So somewhere between 6:30-7:00 I started pushing. And kept pushing and pushing and pushing... Fast forward 2.5 hours and the doctor said although the babies were still tolerating things well that he recommended a c-section because I had not made much progress. I was tired and a bit frustrated so I agreed.

Had I known how much I was not going to enjoy the c-section I might have tried a little longer! However, it was probably not meant to be. As it turned out, although baby A (Lizzie) was head down she had rotated to face sideways (instead of facing the spine) making delivery more difficult. And baby B during the process had actually turned to be sideways (transverse).

It was definitely hard to enjoy the moment of their birth because i was feeling so uncomfortable during the c-section. I could not stop shaking, I was throwing up and it was definitely more than a "little pressure" when they were pulling them out and rearranging my insides!

I do remember the joy of finding out that they were doing great and getting to hold them for the first time in the recovery room.

Now almost 4 weeks out I am feeling 100 times better (though not quite normal) and am already forgetting how horrible I felt the first few days after. My back is really my only big complaint. Laboring for 2.5 hours on the operating table was not very good for it. But most of that awful swelling is gone! I honestly did not remember the actual size of my feet and they look weird to me-way too small.

It was all worth it! I am so in love with my sweet Lizzie and Lainie. I can't believe how blessed we are to be a family of 4 lovely daughters.

No rest for the weary!

2011-06-04T10:06:00.002-04:00

I will start off by saying how absolutely in love I am with Lizzie and Lainie! I still can't believe that I have four amazing daughters. I feel so blessed. I can't wait to see what wonderful little ladies they become. In the meantime I am cherishing all the cuddle time you get with newborns because it goes so fast! I will post more about the birth soon, along with some pictures.

It has certainly been a challenging few weeks. Surprisingly not because we are getting used to caring for twins. Our older girls have been ill starting a few days after we came home from the hospital. We have had fever, ear infection and puking to deal with. Why is it that illness strikes in the middle of the night? The extra care burden and stress I felt trying to shield the babies from the germs while wanting to take care of my big girls was very rough. I am hoping we are through it though! The babies seem fine and the big girls have been well for several days. I may be able to lift the quarantine after the weekend!

My only disappointment so far is that I have already stopped nursing. I really wanted to nurse and it went really well in the beginning. They were both able to latch on and would nurse. I really enjoyed the bonding experience that it created. However, they started losing weight (they even had to stay an extra day in the hospital because of it). I was not producing enough milk so we started supplementing with formula. My schedule was every two hours nurse each baby for 5-10 minutes, supplement with a bottle and then pump. The schedule was exhausting even with help with the bottle feeds. All the pumping helped increase my supply but it was not enough to sustain two babies. Eight days after they were born we had a follow-up with the lactation consultant who said I would probably need a prescription from my Dr to increase my supply sufficiently. Unfortunately that was a Friday afternoon and I knew I would not be able to see the Dr until after the long holiday weekend. I was not really sure about the idea of taking a prescription and by that weekend exhaustion had caught up to me and I decided to switch to formula as I tapered off the pumping. I am very sad about having to give up on that even though I know that formula will be fine for them. Hopefully I gave them some benefit for two weeks.

They're here!

2011-05-21T21:11:00.002-04:00

This is Lisa's husband checking in for her. The girls arrived Thursday night, May 19th. Elizabeth Mae is older by 1 minute and checked in at 19 inches and 6 lb, 1 oz. Little sister Elaina Meredith checked in at 18.5 inches and 5 lb, 6 oz. Mom and babies are doing great. Should be headed home tomorrow. More to come after we get settled in at home.

Light Bed Rest

2011-05-02T18:04:00.003-04:00

Well, my appointment went pretty well. The babies looked great! They are estimated to be 5lbs 2oz and 5lbs 3oz! Both heads are down so hopefully they'll stay that way. Unfortunately my blood pressure was high for the first time. The Dr put me on light bed rest (ie lay down all day if I can and rest more than I have, but not fully restricted). That means I am not working anymore which is a huge stress reliever. We are going to take it week by week. The Dr guessed I would probably go into labor on my own before the 37/38 week mark, but we'll see. No way to predict that even with experience! I just can't wait to meet them.

Hanging In There

2011-04-26T19:29:00.002-04:00

We had a great Easter, celebrating with family. I am posting a picture of the artwork my mom, mother-in-law and girls made of my belly. It was fun, though hard to sit still for that long.

I am doing pretty well. The swelling in my ankles and feet is just a fact of life now. Laying down makes improvements but it never goes away. I feel puffy all over! I also have developed carpal tunnel syndrome, which is a pain (literally). It is hard to write or even brush my teeth. I also feel very large and uncoordinated. But I am thankful the twins are still safe and sound inside for now and pray we can make it a few more weeks. I have a dr appointment on Fri.

32 Weeks!

2011-04-15T12:38:00.003-04:00

Well it is definitely time for an update. I had my 32 week appointment yesterday and I am happy to report that everything is still looking great. Amazingly the twins are still growing at the same rate and are estimated to both be around 3lbs 14oz. Fluid levels, heart beats, etc all checked out. I have been doing pretty well. The main annoyances I am dealing with are majorly swollen feet and ankles and heavy breathing/shortness of breath. The swelling so far does not seem to indicate anything more serious as my blood pressure and urine samples are normal. I am very thankful for that and just trying to keep my feet up as much as possible.

It is very exciting that I could get to meet them any time now. I hope for their sake they stay in about another month. We are also still so unprepared! We need at least a month. We are still trying to get the nursery together. I am normally more organized and prepared so it is driving me crazy not to be ready! But I guess that is expected with low stamina and two other girls to take care of. This weekend I hope to go through all the clothes I have saved from my older girls and get that washed and organized. I was so fortunate that a friend/co-worker of mine gave us much of her old baby stuff to help us complete our needs. She was so sweet and generous we ended up with her crib, packNplay, breast pump, and some other miscellaneous items. Though now I have been reading that using a used personal-use (vs hospital grade) pump is not safe even if you buy new tubing. So I am not sure if I will use it or not. Any experience out there with that issue?

29 Weeks!

2011-03-24T16:03:00.003-04:00

Wow! I can't believe I am saying that. 29 weeks! We are getting so close to meeting our girls. I am excited and scared out of my mind. The realities of having 4 girls under 5 is definitely stressing me out. Deep down I know it will all work out and the tremendous blessing of our family overwhelms me. But I do think now is the time for a little healthy panic. I mean that ticker is in double digits! And I am going to have twins plus my rambunctious 4 and 2 year olds. Thankfully I will be taking a good 6 months off of work. Currently I work part-time at home and it will definitely help the stress level not to have that to worry about.

I had my 28 week appointment last Friday and everything looked great. The babies are estimated to be 2lbs 8oz and 2lbs 9oz. Heartbeats were great and fluid levels looked good. They were moving around a little too much though. They did not give us any good pictures. Maybe next time! I should find out the results of my diabetes screen this week. I have my fingers crossed for good results.

I am definitely large. I measured 37 weeks at my 28 week appointment! The Dr. assured me this was perfectly normal for twins and I just need to take it easy and not be too active. No problem there since climbing the stairs gets me out of breath. All of my symptoms and complaints are typical and not too severe at this point: peeing all the time, swollen feet, indigestion, fatigue.

We're still trying to get our house in order. We have our big girls set up in their new room together. They seem happy and have handled the transition just fine. It is so precious to eaves drop on their conversations at night after we tuck them in. The babies' room is still a work in progress. We have some older furniture handed down through the family that we(I should say my DH) have sanded and now must paint (hopefully this weekend). Then we can start setting things up. Fortunately we don't have to paint the room. It was formerly my 4yr old's and is a nice shade of pink.

We are still debating on names! We have the first names set but just can't find the right middle name. Our older daughters are Ella Rose and Emery Grace, so we decided to stick with "E". The twins will be Elizabeth(Lizzie) and Elaina(Lainie). Elaina's middle name will be Meredith. This was my dad's middle name. But Elizabeth we just can't decide! I want something a little less common since Elizabeth is a popular name, but nothing feels right yet. At least not for both of us. Hopefully I won't have to pack the book of names in my hospital bag!

Rambling Update

2011-02-16T12:17:00.002-05:00

I never mean for so much time to go by between posts, but is looks like it has happened again. I am still faithfully reading every one's blogs, I just don't have too much to report. I have my 24 week appointment this Friday. I think I will begin an every two-week schedule after this. As always I am excited to hear their heartbeats and get reassurance that all is well. I expect that it will be, because I have been feeling them move around all the time and have had no problems.

I am definitely having trouble sleeping these days. I never expected this problem so early on, but despite my 6 pillows, I just can't stay comfortable for long between back and hip/thigh pain. Plus I do usually go to the bathroom at least three times a night! I am also a heavy breather now apparently. My husband has a hard time sleeping if he doesn't fall asleep first because I am loud. He is polite so he doesn't use the word snore. I also sound like a smoker after climbing a flight of stairs. Pregnancy is definitely a fascinating and miraculous thing.

We have been spending our weekends either visiting with family or working on our house. When we found out we were having twins we realized the small bedroom we were going to put our next child in may not work out as well for two. So we decided to convert our bonus room, which we were using as a family room into our older girls' room and let the babies take what was going to be the older girls' room.(they had not moved in together yet). My office/guest bedroom is now the new family room. We are only about half way done with all of our rearranging. Being pregnant during this has been great, as I get to enjoy a supervisory role!

And we're having....

2011-01-20T17:11:00.002-05:00

We had our long awaited ultrasound today (postponed for snow)! Most importantly the babies looked good and cooperated for the millions of measurements they take at this ultrasound. It still amazes me to watch the screen and realize the miracle going on inside. You can see their hearts actually beating, see the amazing spinal cord and of course watch them move all around. Since I tend to worry it is also fabulous to get that reassurance that everything is going great. I am so thankful and still find it hard to believe we are being blessed in such a way.

At this appointment we also confirmed that we are having two girls!!!! We are thrilled and shocked that it has turned out that we will have four daughters. But it does make me tired just thinking about it.

Snowed In

2011-01-11T07:37:00.002-05:00

We got hit by the big snow storm and are going to be shut in again today. I enjoy those unexpected days when everyone gets to stay home. DH took the girls to play in the snow for a while. They had a blast which was a bit of a surprise. The girls are still pretty young (4 and 2) and in past snows they have only lasted about 10-15 minutes before one or both was complaining of the cold and had to come in. I was glad they finally discovered how fun sledding is. And of course they got hot chocolate when they did come in.

Unfortunately my ultrasound was cancelled since the doctor's office was closed. Hopefully I can reschedule soon, but likely not until at least next week. Oh well, I guess we'll just have to wait a little longer.

Maternity Clothes Needed

2011-01-05T11:00:00.003-05:00

Once again it has been forever since I posted. I am definitely seeing changes now and am showing now. I am down to my last pair of regular pants that are still somewhat comfortable. If I don't want to wear sweats all the time, it is time to go shopping for some maternity clothes. I had a brief DR appointment on the 27th just to check in and make sure I had not had any issues since the ER visit. At the time I was 16 weeks and the doctor said I was measuring equivalent to 22 weeks for a singleton pregnancy. I knew I was starting to feel big but that put it into perspective! All signs indicate that the babies are doing well and growing. We have an ultrasound on Mon (Jan 10) and I can't wait to see them and get that extra reassurance that all is well. We will also find out if the early ultrasound predictions were right and we are having two girls!

Sleeping has been tough lately. Although my belly doesn't affect me much during the day, it must have an impact on sleeping. Despite my three strategically placed pillows I seem to wake up every few hours, often with a back ache. It may also be time to invest in a pregnancy pillow. Any recommendations? They are expensive and I would hate to pick a dud.

I also have been having very weird dreams, most are harmless but I have had a few really bad nightmares. I guess these are just all weird things you get to experience during pregnancy. Fascinating!

I think I having been feeling them move. It is really hard to tell if that is what it is or not, but this sensation has been occurring more often lately so maybe I am right. It is kind of a fluttering as most describe it, but I read someone else say a "rumbling" which is closer to my experience.

I will post again next week and let you all know if we are in fact on the pink team.

Weekend Scare

2010-12-13T13:14:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was quite a scary morning for us with regard to our pregnancy. I woke up a little before 7am and found that my thighs were covered in blood. I got up to go into the bathroom and had a big rush of blood and passed a large clot. The bleeding decreased substantially after the clot was passed. We went to the ER to get things checked out. I had an exam, blood tests, and an ultrasound. The ultrasound was pretty nerve racking. In the ER (at least here) the ultrasound tech is not allowed to comment on anything she/he sees. They have the screen turned away from you so you can't see and they don't turn the sound on so you can't tell if they found heart beats. The ultrasound tech then turns the pictures over to a radiologist for review which takes a good bit of time. Then they pass that along to your ER doc who comes in and reads the findings. We were so relieved that the babies were both looking okay. They diagnosed me with a subchorionic hemorrhage (bleeding around one of the placenta's blood vessels). They told me to rest and follow-up with my doctor on Monday unless bleeding became heavy and/or was accompanied by cramps then I should come back.

We followed up with our doctor today. She said most of the time these resolve by about 20 weeks and there is really nothing they know of to prevent the situation. Fortunately the babies are usually okay, but I will be monitored a little more frequently. I get to go back in two weeks which I am happy about. They listened for heartbeats again today. And I was very pleased to hear them (both in the 150's)! I have a few precautions to follow, but can live life normally for the most part. Please keep us in your prayers that these little ones stop causing drama and just concentrate on growing for a while.

12 week ultrasound

2010-12-10T13:58:00.002-05:00

I have been so bad at blogging lately. Sorry to leave you hanging. We had our 1st trimester screening ultrasound last week (just before the 13 week mark). It was so amazing! We got a nice long view of our babies. Even though I receive my weekly emails about how baby is growing, have had plenty of "morning" sickness and am starting to get a belly, it is still hard to grasp the reality of all that is occuring inside me. It really didn't sink in until I saw them. I was just amazed at how much growing and developing they have done. They were moving around and responded when the technician would poke at them to get them to move into better positions. It was definitley a treat to get to experience that. We have not received the "official" results of the screening (they analyze my blood sample and the ultrasound pictures together and it can take a few weeks) everything looked fine to the technician. The babies measured one day ahead of schedule and were the same size (within .01cm of each other). Their heartbeats were great and the neck fold measurement was normal.

The one shocker occurred when we were talking with the tech about gender. My husband would love to have a boy in there. We have two girls right now and he craves another male in our house (even the dog is a girl). The tech said she could give a pretty good guess, but of course we would have to wait till the 20+week ultrasound for a more accurate result. Well, her guess is two girls! I think my poor husband was in shock. Of course he will be happy whatever it turns out to be, but his mind goes to 4 teenage girls in the house at one time, 4 weddings to pay for, etc. I guess we'll have to wait and see if the tech was right.

Thankful

2010-11-08T06:48:00.002-05:00

Our ultrasound (9wk) was Thursday and everything looked great! They both measured well and had good heart beats. I am amazed at the miracle going on inside me. Although I have certainly had signs like morning sickness that this is occurring, it is hard to wrap my brain around it! I am so thankful that they continue to grow and thrive. It still just doesn't seem real as we tell people that we are expecting twins. I guess it just seems too good to be true. Needless to say we are very thankful for our little blessings as well as our older girls. It was a great weekend of celebration for us as our younger daughter turned two. We had lots of family around this weekend to share in our joy.

I have also been feeling much better this week. I am hopeful this means things are turning around. The nausea has decreased significantly. I did go out and buy sea bands early last week. It could definitely just be a coincidence that I tried these when I would have felt better anyway, but I am not willing to say they have not helped since I have felt so much better, so I will still be wearing them this week!
I had spoke with a nurse at my doctor's office last week about nausea. The main change we made is that for now I am taking two Flintstones vitamins a day instead of the prenatal. When I feel I can stomach the other, I will switch back. She also wrote a prescription for Zofran instead of phenegran, but I am hopeful I won't need it. And finally I am still on my progesterone and estrace for a while longer. I go in again on Thursday for more blood work. Just waiting for that magical day when we are given the green light to start tapering off!

Bad Blogger

2010-11-01T13:13:00.003-04:00

I have been a bad blogger lately! Sorry for the silence. I have been in survival mode. Most days I am pretty queasy and tired, so between taking care of the girls and my part-time job, I have been pretty occupied. Morning sickness (usually most of the day or afternoon-evening sickness for me) is tough. I always thought I would be one of the lucky ones that did not experience much of it. My mom was a lucky one, so I should be too! So far I have lost 5lbs. I am not too worried about that as am overweight anyway so I have some extra reserves. I have been able to eat more in the last several days. Hopefully I am on the downward slope now and things will get better as the weeks go on.

My new hobby is sleeping. I am usually in bed by 9pm and try to nap if I can. My DH has been great trying to get home early when he can and take over care of the girls.

I have an appointment Wed. with a nurse who works with the Dr. I will transfer to once I am released by the NEDC. I went ahead and made an appointment (before I am released) because I want to talk with them about switching vitamins and strategies to prevent nausea. I have trouble stomaching the prenatal and I feel like they will be more knowledgeable and responsive than the RE's office on this subject.

I am very excited for our ultrasound on Thursday. This will be the 9-week mark. I am excited to see our babies again and get reassurance that everything is okay. It is so hard not to worry. I wish I could have an ultrasound every week to make sure things are going okay. That is definitely my biggest battle right now-worry. I am trying to trust in God and not give in to that sin, but it is a struggle.

I'll post again later this week after all my appointments.

Amazing News!

2010-10-15T14:00:00.003-04:00

We had our 6 week ultrasound today and I have good news. Everything looked great. Plus there are two babies. We are having twins! Both babies measured close to each other and on target. We are at 6wks 1 day today, baby A measured 6wks 1 day(.46cm) and baby B 6 weeks 2 days (.54cm). Their heartbeats also looked good at 121 and 120 beats per minute. It is hard to believe that technology allows us a glimpse of such tiny beings and even more amazing how quickly they develop! I mean it is only 6 weeks in and they have heart beats!

I have had a pretty rough week physically. Monday I started spotting which I have been reassured a million times is normal and I do believe that now. The doc this morning showed me on the ultrasound where I had some leftover blood in my uterus which is normal and that I may be spotting for a while. (I did not think to ask him what the blood was leftover from). Late Monday night I started vomiting. It caught me off guard because although I had experienced queasiness for about a week it never once got to where I thought I would puke. Well once I started I just couldn't stop and continued every hour or two until about 1pm the following day when I called the NEDC for help. They prescribed something for me, but I soon discovered I could not keep the pill down. Fortunately I was able to talk with them again before they closed and they prescribed a suppository to use. Finally after about 24 hours I got relief and have been recovering ever since. I honestly don't know how you ladies survive that experience this long term. I am so thankful that the meds are working for me. The only draw back is that it makes me sleepy which added to the fatigue I was already feeling makes me close to useless.

So after such a rough week I was not really sure what to expect at the ultrasound. Were those good pregnancy signs or signs my body was failing. I am so thankful that they were good signs. Once again I am shocked that we have been blessed in this way. I am so excited to watch them grow.

Thanks for your help!

2010-10-11T15:49:00.004-04:00

Thank you all for your helpful comments after I posted that I was spotting this morning. You are all so sweet and helpful! I appreciated learning that the NEDC phones were in fact down and getting the nurses email. As well as reassuring me that everything could still be okay. I did get an email back from the nurse this afternoon and she said not to be too concerned, try to take it easy and drink lots of fluids. I have been relaxing most of the day thanks to the fact that both my mother and mother-in-law are spending their days off here with us. They are taking care of the girls allowing me the chance to rest.

Spotting

2010-10-11T09:18:00.002-04:00

Well, I am not sure what it means but I am spotting this morning. I guess we'll probably just have to wait and see at our ultrasound on Friday. I am a little frustrated because I can't get through to the NEDC, there phone just rings and rings. They probably can't say much at this point anyway. I am just praying that things will turn out okay.

2nd beta

2010-10-04T14:04:00.002-04:00

I had my second beta today and it looked great. It was 1739 which is now 15 days past our day 3 transfer. Last Friday (12dp3dt) it was 512. Now we need to set up an ultrasound for Oct 14th or 15th (the 6 week mark). We have been given a due date of June 9th.

I can hardly believe we have come this far. It still seems like a dream. I am so thankful to be pregnant! I really can't wait for the ultrasound, thank goodness it is only a little over a week away.

And the beta is....

2010-10-01T16:21:00.000-04:00

512!

Pregnant (unofficially)

2010-10-01T08:39:00.002-04:00

Well, I could not wait until this afternoon to hear the news. I went ahead and took an hpt and it was POSITIVE!!! I am shocked and elated. I have had to reread the directions several times to make sure that 2 lines really means pregnant :-)! I am praying for a good number this afternoon. And I am so so thankful for this gift.

Two Week Wait

2010-09-29T15:33:00.003-04:00

Waiting is harder than I thought! I am usually patient. As a child, I never snuck a peak at my Christmas gifts. I was always content to wait for the surprise. But clearly this is more significant than Christmas presents and I am anxious. I just want to know! I thought with all of life's busyness (and we have had plenty of that lately) that time would go quickly. The first week back certainly did, but this week has been crawling by. And unfortunately, I have felt positive throughout, but this week I am fearing that we won't get the result we want. I am trying to pray that fear away and just trust, but it is hard. I have new respect for those of you who have gone through this and survived, especially if you have had to endure it more than once.

Back home with 4 additions

2010-09-20T17:06:00.002-04:00

We are back home now with 4 beautiful embryos transferred! We had some drama the day before transfer, but everything turned out okay. As we were driving to Knoxville on Saturday, we got a call from Dr. Keenan. We were in the mountains at the time so the conversation was very broken-up. I made out "problem" "paperwork" "Carol" before we were disconnected! So we immediately exited the highway and found a spot with a signal. By then we had a voice mail to call the embryologist, that there was a problem with our first choice donor. When we talked with her she explained that the paperwork did not match what was actually shipped to her lab. The paperwork said there were 4 multicells. There was actually only one blastocsyt! So now we only had 3 embryos selected (the NEDC wants at least 6 to work with) and the embryos were now different types, blastocyst and multicell so they could not be transferred together. We either had to stick with our first choice and find 5 other blasts and stay an extra day so we would be on schedule for a blastocyst transfer. Or we could find alternate multicells and stick with the same transfer day. After Carol read us the options that were left in the anonymous pool, it was fairly clear to us that we should select additional multicells. The only disappointment here is we were hoping for a child that was not fully Caucasian. One of our daughters is of mixed heritage and we thought that is what our next child should be if we had the choice. However, the remaining options were mostly all-Caucasian embryos. Oh well! Fortunately we are not feeling any stress over the turn of events. We feel there is a reason for this and we ended up with the embryos we were supposed to.

The best part is the transfer went well! We had 5 embryos thawed in all. One died right away and was not transferred, 1 survived but is not of great quality, 1 looked pretty good and 2 looked very good. I did not expect quads! I am satisfied with the outcome and trying to take it easy for the next couple of days so I don't mess anything up!

For those of you who have not experienced a transfer, I can say it was not too bad. By far the most uncomfortable part for me was the injection of alcohol. It kind of caught me by surprise sense it wasn't necessary during the mock transfer. There was very intense burning for a minute or two. On another note, I drank just over a liter of water and that seemed to be about the right amount for me. I was not over or under full.

Our pregnancy test will be on Oct 1. This is the one year anniversary of my dad's passing. Hopefully that day will now have something good associated with it.

Quick Update

2010-09-16T15:39:00.002-04:00

Sorry, I have not posted this week. I have been super busy between work and my girls and trying to get ready for our big weekend. I had my ultrasound and labs on Tues. Everything looked fine so I had my first progesterone shot this morning. It wasn't too bad. My husband did it for me and my rear was a little sore afterwards, but nothing bad (yet). It is a little tedious. The injection guidelines we read said to do it slowly, over the course of a few minutes, so we obeyed and it seemed to take forever. Nothing like standing around with a needle in your butt!

We are super excited for the weekend! We are heading to Knoxville on Saturday and our transer is on Sunday (don't know what time yet). I am very hopeful and optimistic. We'll see what happens.

Fees and Drugs

2010-09-08T20:46:00.002-04:00

We got information from the NEDC this week on possible fees we may incur for our embryos. The adoptive parents are responsible for any outstanding fees for the embryo(s) used including shipping and storage and STD work-ups for the donors and probably other things. I know I was made aware of this at some point(s) along the way, it just had not really registered. I was more focused on the end result. I also had not fully realized that these fees could be pretty steep. I should have asked more questions. I am not posting details to complain, but for informational purposes for those who have not gone through this before. Don't get me wrong I am not excited about spending more money, but I recognize that this is just a necessary part of the process. Fortunately, I think we will get off relatively easy this time. We have selected 3 sets of embryos. (The NEDC wants at least 6 selected to work with-hopefully not all will be needed because ideally the first two thawed would survive and they would not thaw any more). Our "first" choice is a set of four embryos followed by two singles to make 6. The first choice set of 4 have minor expenses totaling around $200. The second choice has no fees, but the third has about $700 of fees. If we do not need the third choice because at least 2 others survived we will not be responsible for those fees.

On the other front, I successfully completed the lupron segment of my journey. It was not bad at all. I really thought it would be. I am now trying to get used to taking estrace 3 times a day. Fortunately I have not missed any doses, but remembering that middle dose has been hard for me! As well as remembering whether or not I have taken it yet. I won't admit how many times I have had to count my pills to find out. Do these meds cause memory loss? :-) Hopefully everything is working together like it supposed to and I will get good lab and ultrasound results on the 14th.

Ultrasound and labs

2010-08-26T20:21:00.002-04:00

I had my first ultrasound and lab work today. Everything looked fine so I start Estrace tomorrow. I am excited to be another step closer. As far as lupron goes, I am now a pro. I have even graduated to being able to give myself the shot. Though I still primarily let my husband do it since he does not mind. I have been pretty tired this week which may or may not be from the injections. I am also adjusting to a new early morning work schedule so it could be the combination. I also had a killer headache yesterday that advil did not help. Again, it may or may not be the Lupron. Overall, I have felt fine. A little over 3 weeks until the big day!

Book Plugs

2010-08-20T16:08:00.002-04:00

I bought two books for my girls recently that I love. Actually we got them when we were in Knoxville back in April for our mock transfer. There was a gi-normous Christian bookstore near our hotel that we browsed in for over an hour.

The first is The One Year Devotions for Preschoolers by Crystal Bowman. These have short little stories with a moral, followed by a scripture and two-line prayer. There is an entry for each day of the year. We have been reading these at the dinner table and my just turned 4-year old loves them. They are written at her level and enjoyable. It is far superior to similarly themed books I have bought in the past.

The other book is Just In Case You Ever Wonder by Max Lucado. This is just a sweet bedtime story about how much you love your child and how important he/she is to God. It tackles some very big concepts but again it is just a child's story so it is only laying a foundation. I tear up just about every time we read it. I also like that although it does mention the first time seeing your child as a baby it does not say anything that would exclude an infant adopted child (your eyes are just like daddy's, you grew in mommy's belly, etc)

I survived!

2010-08-18T11:51:00.002-04:00

Well, you all were right. The lupron injection wasn't that bad. I felt my husband pinching my skin much more than the injection itself. It was kind of itchy/tingly for about 15 minutes and then I never would have known it happened. I feel very relieved to know the next several weeks won't be so scary. At least the easy one (lupron) comes before the hard one (progesterone) so that I can get used to needles and alcohol swabs first.

Transfer Scheduled

2010-08-13T19:06:00.002-04:00

I heard from the NEDC today and we have a transfer date of Sept 19th! I am very excited and overwhelmed. This is all new territory. I am scared to death of the shots which will begin on Tuesday for me (lupron). I am pretty sure my husband will be administering those for me because I am too chicken. I should get my box of meds tomorrow. I am cautiously optimistic, we all know that there are certainly no gaurantees. But I won't let my natural pessimism creep in for now. I will just dream of what may be and hope that God will bless this endeavor.

Waiting

2010-07-27T12:57:00.002-04:00

"But those who wait on the Lord will find strength. They will fly high like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. The will walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

I am reposting the following poem from another friend's blog. The author is Russell Kelfer. It seems there are many seasons of waiting in our lives, especially when you are on the adoption journey.

Desperately,
helplessly, longingly, I cried:
Quietly, patiently,
lovingly, God replied.

I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate.....

and the Master so gently said,
Wait.

Wait? you say wait?
my indignant reply.
Lord, I need answers,
I need to know why!

Is your hand shortened?
Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

My future and all to which I relate
hangs in the balance
and you tell me to Wait?

I'm needing a yes,
a go-ahead sign.
Or even a no,
to which I'll resign.

You promised, dear Lord,
that if we believe,
We need but to ask,
and we shall receive.

Lord, I've been asking,
and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking!
I need a reply.

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
as my Master replied again, Wait.
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
and grumbled to God,
So, I'm waiting
for what?????

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine....
and He tenderly said,
I could give you a sign.

I could shake the heavens and
darken the sun. I could raise the dead
and cause mountains to run.

I could give all you seek
and
pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want
but
you wouldn't know Me.

You'd not know
the depth of My love
for each saint.

You'd not know
the power that I give
to the faint.

You'd not learn to see
through clouds of despair;
you'd not learn to trust
just by knowing I'm there.

You'd not know the joy
of resting in Me
when darkness and silence
are all you can see.

You'd never experience
the fullness of love
when the peace of My spirit
descends like a dove.

You would know that I give,
and I save, for a start,
But, you'd not know the depth
of the beat of My heart.

The glow of My comfort
late into the night,
the faith that I give
when you walk without sight.

The depth that's beyond
getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who
makes what you have last.

You'd never know should
your pain quickly flee.
what it means that My grace
is sufficient for thee.

Yes, your dearest dreams
overnight would come true,
but, oh, the loss, if you missed
what I'm doing in you.

So, be silent, my child
and in time you will see
that the greatest of gifts
is to truly know me.

And though oft My answers
seem terribly late,
My most precious answer
of all is still........

Wait.

September it is!

2010-07-21T11:09:00.002-04:00

We have had lots of exciting news in the past week or so. We are officially set for September! Our transfer will be some time between the 15th and 25th. We won't know an exact date until probably the end of August. We have also been matched with our embryos! The NEDC asks that you select at least 6 since unfortunately they do not always survive the thaw. Our snow babies include a set of 4 and two individual multicells. It definitely seems more real having all this in place now.

Thanks for all of your advice on travel plans. Your comments were helpful. We will wait until we know our exact transfer date before we make a decision on an Oct beach trip.

Question for the experienced

2010-07-07T15:36:00.002-04:00

I have a question for those of you who have gone through a transfer already. Our extended family is planning a beach trip in October for a week. The beach is about 4 hours from home. I don't have the exact dates of our September transfer yet, but I guess that the beach trip will be 2.5-3 weeks after. Is there any specific medical follow-up that would conflict with being away in that time frame?

I do realize it could be crummy timing emotionally if things are not successful, but then again it may be a welcome distraction. I appreciate your thoughts.

MRI Results

2010-06-21T11:04:00.003-04:00

I spoke with the nurse of our local RE and she said the MRI showed that the cyst was not on the ovary. In this DR opinion she would not recommend surgery and she did not feel it would inhibit the transfer or a pregnancy. That is definitely good news. I hope to speak with the NEDC this week to confirm that they agree with her and we can plan on a September transfer. I'll let you know when I find out!

Survived the MRI

2010-06-15T09:20:00.002-04:00

I had my MRI bright and early this morning. They "admit" you to the hospital and start off by asking questions like: do you have a living will? are you an organ donor? what is your religious affiliation? Nice way to start your morning and get an overactive imagination going. I was already a little freaked out by the concept of giant magnets. For any "Lost" fans, I was thinking of Desmond hoping there would be no electromagnetic explosions! But after all of the build-up it wasn't that bad. Not something I would want to do again, but pretty benign. It was very loud. Thankfully they gave me headphones to listen to music to cover it up a little. Everyone was very nice which is always helpful when you are anxious. I praise God for keeping me calm and getting me through this. Hopefully it won't be too long before I know the results.

MRI Scheduled

2010-06-09T14:29:00.002-04:00

I guess they decided they wanted to see an MRI. I got a call a little while ago from the hospital to schedule it saying the doctor ordered it this morning. I am not looking forward to this. It seems very creepy. At least it is scheduled for early in the morning so maybe I'll be sleepy. It is set for next Tuesday morning. I am thankful that the doctors are on top of things and didn't wait a week or so to get around to deciding! We all know that one little delay can lead to months of extra waiting. I'll just have to trust that this is the right choice to examine things further.

Good News, I think

2010-06-08T15:04:00.002-04:00

My appointment went well today and I liked the Dr which is a plus. She felt like the fibroid (she called it that and not a cyst) was on my uterus and not on my ovary though she could not tell conclusively. She said Dr. Keenan may or may not want an MRI to get a better picture to try to be more conclusive. She will consult with him. She did say if I were her patient (exclusively) she would probably not insist on that. Surgery is still an option if I want the fibroid removed (or if Dr. Keenan thinks it is necessary), but it would not be as simple as a laparascopy. So I am definitely not in favor of that. She said it is kind of a gray area . She has seen a few cases where women were unsuccessful with IVF and had fibroids removed and then were successful. But you can't be sure if it was just the timing or if removing the fibroids actually helped. (It seems so much of infertility is yet to be medically solved.)

In summary I guess we are still waiting for confirmation, but feel positive about a September transfer.

RE appointment tomorrow

2010-06-07T20:50:00.004-04:00

Tomorrow is my big RE appointment to check out the cyst that was seen on the ultrasound at my mock transfer. Hopefully she will be able to pinpoint whether it is on my ovary or uterus. I am expecting her to say that I need surgery, but then I am usually a pessimist! I certainly would not look forward to another laparoscopy though when I had one five years ago it was not too bad. The effects of the anesthesia were the worst of it. Maybe another clean out would help my endometriosis symptoms ease up for a while. I guess we'll see. Hopefully no matter what we will still be on target for a September transfer.

It has been ages since I posted, but time has really gone by pretty quickly. It is definitely easier to be patient through the adoption process when you have two little ones. I remember how impatient we were through the first and even the second. I just hope my patience continues and I can trust God's timing and plan for our family.

I finally got around to decorating my older daughter's room. We moved into our house nearly two years ago and I have had it on my "to do" list from the start. Three months after moving in I actually started removing the wallpaper one evening and we got a totally unexpected phone call that night. It was our adoption agency and we had been selected by a birth mother who had just given birth the day before. We needed to come to the hospital in the morning and pick up our second daughter. Needless to say that phone call turned our world upside down (in a good way) and for nearly 19 months Ella's room has had about a third of the wallpaper down and the rest up. I am very happy to say she now has a finished room that she loves. And Lord-willing if we are blessed with a third child this will be both girls room.

Waiting Game

2010-05-04T12:44:00.003-04:00

I made my appointment with the local RE (that Dr. Keenan recommend). I am scheduled for an ultrasound and consultation June 8th to investigate my cyst. Like many of you, we also have to repeat our STD screening before our transfer. Fun times!

I am actually handling the extra wait well. I don't feel anxious or impatient yet, which is unusual for me, because I like things to go as planned. May will be a busy month anyway so I will be distracted. We have many projects around the house to keep us busy and I am trying to get in shape and lose a few more pounds. Plus my girls have really been acting up lately making me wonder if we can manage a third :-)!

Hopefully September!

2010-04-25T18:05:00.003-04:00

We're back from Tennessee. We had a wonderful time hiking in the Smoky Mountains and white water rafting and just being free of responsibility. We are so thankful to have wonderful moms to care for our girls when we need to get away.

As for our visit with the NEDC, things went pretty well overall. We enjoyed meeting Dr. Keenan and his staff. The exams were not that pleasant, though the actual mock transfer was pretty easy. I actually drank too much water. I had about 50oz around 8am. Our appointment was at 9. We first went back and talked with Dr. Keenan so it was at least 9:30am before the exam started. The nurse checked me and said my bladder was so full they could not see anything. Then I had to go pee for 6 seconds (yes, she was that specific about it) and come back! That actually worked and they were able to proceed. I guess next time I know to stop around 40oz or not drink it so early!

Unfortunately, the exam revealed that I have a cyst. On the ultrasound he could not tell if it was on my ovary or my uterus because it was touching both. If he knew it was from my uterus then we could just ignore it and proceed. However if it is on my ovary then it needs to be removed. I have to wait 6 weeks and go to a local doctor for another ultrasound. Dr. Keenan says sometimes things shift around and on another day the ultrasound might give a more definitive view. If it is on the ovary or they can't tell then I will probably have to have a procedure to remove it. (I did not think to ask what kind of procedure is usually needed). He still seemed pretty optimistic that we could have a September transfer, but we definitely can't make it on the July schedule as a result of the cyst.

We were actually able to look at the available profiles of the "minority" embryos they have. We are doing an anonymous/closed adoption however we will be a little separate from the other couples since a not fully caucasian child would fit our family better. There are about 6 sets that they have had for a while and have been hard to match to a family. It was neat looking through those and wondering if our child(ren) might be in there. A few already stood out as good matches.

I am a little disappointed in the delay and facing a possible procedure, but we are not discouraged. We'll just have to be patient and see where it goes. I know God has a plan, we're just waiting to see what it is.

Glad it is April

2010-04-01T10:48:00.002-04:00

I am excited that it is April. We have our mock transfer on April 22nd and I am looking forward to it. I end my birth control pills tomorrow and start estrace next week. My insurance actually picked up some of the cost of the estrace, even though it is name brand, so I was very pleased with that. Providing that the mock transfer goes well, I am looking forward to hearing how the matching will go with us. It is different from the adoptions we have done in the past. In traditional adoptions you can make certain specifications, but the child basically comes to you. It seems different here in that we are given a group of profiles and select our child(ren). Hopefully our path will be clear.

Not only is it great to have our appointment, but DH and I are going to make a long weekend out of our visit to Knoxville. We may actually get to sleep in! Our girls are staying with grandmothers. I hope the weather will cooperate and we can go hiking too.

Watching God Move

2010-03-25T09:41:00.002-04:00

DH and I attended a meeting at church last night about starting an adoption/foster care/infertility support group or outreach ministry at our church. Our church is pretty large and it is surprising that there is not such a group already. We moved to the area a little over a year ago and joined our church in January this year. Our old church had a small bible study group for couples going through infertility or progressing through adoption. It was invaluable to us to have that support and comfort. God clearly used that group in our lives to show us that adoption was HIS plan for us.

It is really amazing when you get to experience God working. There were 3 other couples and one of our pastors that met. Each of these couples had "randomly" approached the pastor recently about such a group. We each had different goals in mind. DH and I were hoping to meet other adoptive families and be an encouragement to anyone just beginning their journey. Another couple is just starting the adoption journey and wanted to meet others with experience. Another couple are amazing foster parents of children with attachment disorders. And the final couple have three biological children and feel the call to help the orphans. They don't know yet whether it means they should adopt, foster, or help others adopt. We met to pray about what God would have us do. And for now we are continuing to pray about it and will meet frequently to discuss.

I think God has big plans for our church in this area and I am honored that I get to be a part of this. God has blessed us through our daughters beyond measure, so I am passionate on the subject. I can't wait to see what He has in store!

Getting Excited!

2010-03-16T10:27:00.003-04:00

I don't have too much to report. We are coming off of a fun family weekend. DH and I got a date night on Saturday and on Sunday I got to take my older daughter (3) to see Curious George Live. I know some may find that to be a little like torture (my DH certainly would), but it was a cute show and I am into that stuff. Plus I had a fun outing with my girl.

We are a month away from our initial appointment/mock transfer. I am starting to get excited. After all these months of waiting, it is starting to become more believable that this might happen. I also enjoy reading all of your blogs and especially right now that wave of you that are in a similar place in the process. It is nice to know what to expect.

We meet with our social worker on Friday. This is the one and only visit needed for a home study update. Hopefully that means we can send it off to the NEDC the following week. She is pretty fast once you are on her schedule.

We have been praying about what child(ren) God might have planned for us and I think we have decided to pursue a bi/multiracial embryo. In my previous talk with the NEDC, they indicated that there are numerous embryos in that category. I know it seems a little unorthodox; however it is likely what we would pursue if we were going the "traditional" adoption route. One of our daughters fits into this racial category and we feel it would be nice for her not to have an all Caucasian family. I know this is a controversial issue for some. We will keep praying and see how our appointment goes.

Grandfathered!

2010-03-01T10:55:00.002-05:00

I just got an email from Bethany and they have agreed to "grandfather" us into their old fee schedule! Needless to say I am very pleased. I am thankful the Lord is allowing us to continue on. Now I just have to figure out my insurance and wait until our appointment in April.

2010-02-24T11:35:00.002-05:00

I am still waiting to hear from Bethany. I called them last Tuesday to inquire further about their new fee schedule for the NEDC. I posted previously that they will now be charging $3000 for their "services" for all couples not just those seeking an open adoption. It is still unclear to me what dates they are using as their start for charging the new fee system. It was my argument that since that is not what we were presented with when we registered or even up to the point when we scheduled our mock transfer appointment that we should not fall under their new fee schedule. She took some notes about dates and said she would get back to me. She did call on Friday to say she did not have an answer yet. I have left voice mail messages yesterday and today. I am treading that fine line of being annoying, but I would like to know soon. I need to get my second round of BCP and get some info from my insurance but don't want to do all that if it won't be necessary (IE Bethany does require $3000 from us).

For those of you who have gone through this, I am wondering if estrace is an expensive drug and if it was at all hard to get from your local pharmacy? I still have a month before I need it.

Appeal

2010-02-16T11:55:00.003-05:00

Well, I have appealed to the powers that be at Bethany. I called Nancy Leslie of Bethany today and explained that we wanted to be grandfathered into the original fee structure that we were given and she said she did not have the authority to change things so she directed me to her supervisor. I had to leave a voicemail and email as I could not get a hold of her directly.

In case you did not see my comments to every one's questions from my last post here they are again for Christina and Aaron and Jennifer:

This fee has nothing to do with the home study. We are using a local agency that we have used for previous adoptions to do our home study. Bethany does charge $300 to review/approve a home study conducted by another agency.This fee ,as explained to me, is an additional charge they have added for all couples regardless of whether it is a closed adoption or open adoption. Previously it was a fee for only open adoptions. This information is not from our local office. This is from Nancy Leslie of the Knoxville office, who handles most of the NEDC cases for Bethany(until she retires later this month).

Christina, this fee probably would not apply to you since you are going back for your second time with the same group of embryos. Aaron and Jennifer you probably made the cut off that they are using to transition between the old way of doing it and the new way. You guys are a bit ahead of us in the process even though we applied at the same time.

Uncertainty

2010-02-13T15:39:00.002-05:00

Hi. I know it has been a while since my last post. Our family has been passing around a nasty stomach bug and colds, so we have been in survival mode. Things are starting to look up though. My babies are starting to feel better.

I started Birth Control Pills at the end of January to regulate my cycle for our mock transfer in April. It has been a lot more of a pain than I thought it would be. I have had a constant period for over two weeks now. Not fun, but the nurse assures me that this is not abnormal when starting the pill.

We got a call from the Bethany representative on Thursday. She was calling to tell me that they are revamping their services for embryo adoption. They are now offering an online education program for embryo adoption and the promise of a more on-going relationship between them and adoptive families for support. One additional change is that they will now be charging all couples who go through the NEDC the same fee. Previously they charged around $3200 only if you chose an open adoption. This fee covered the faciliation of the open adoption agreement. Those with closed adoption/unknown donor were not charged this fee. I blogged about this previously wondering why the fee was so high. In general I support the decision to make fees the same so that financial reasons did not motivate a couple's decision to have an open adoption. Both of my daughters are through open adoptions so I support that philosophy. The additional hefty fee certainly was impacting our decision though not deciding it. We have an additional factor moving us toward an unknown donor. Our youngest daughter is biracial and we would like to consider having another biracial or minority child. This would probably be easier going the unknown donor route.

But I digress, the big news was that Bethany has decided to charge everyone $3000. This is a fee we were not budgeting for at all. And in fact may force us to abandon this method of embryo adoption for growing our family. I plan to call back next week and ask to be "grandfathered" since this is not the fee schedule that was presented to us at the time of our application. If they do not allow that we feel that we will probably withdraw from the program.

Moving Forward!

2010-01-16T17:04:00.003-05:00

After months of feeling in limbo and not hearing from any one on the embryo adoption home front this has been quite a week! On Tuesday I finally decided to call Bethany and see if I could talk to someone about our homestudy. After passing through a few people I got to who I needed and she gave us the go ahead to use our former agency to just update our homestudy. This comes at a very important time because our current study expires in March and we definitely did not want to have to start from scratch! So I was very pleased about this and started moving forward again with our agency to work on the homestudy update. It won't be too bad and I think we will be able to have it completed in February.

A second question mark I had was fulfilling one of our agency requirements. We must have one of our recommendations be from a pastor in our church. We attend a large church and have not lived in our current city too long so we don't really know many people yet, and no pastors. I was a little anxious about this requirement this time around. I called our church and spoke with a pastor I have talked to briefly when we became members and he was very nice, more than happy to help, and he and his wife have also adopted a child! We are going to get together with them soon. So we will get to check off that box and fellowship with a nice family as well.

As if God had not answered enough of my prayers this week. On Friday afternoon I got a call from the NEDC to schedule our initial visit. This was a total surprise since I had thought we needed to have our homestudy complete before they would schedule anything. Apparently I was wrong, they do this frequently. I am so excited! Our initial visit will be April 22nd. If I am medically cleared the transfer will be in May or July! Now I have to wrap my head around how soon this is!

When speaking with the patient coordinator I also had many of my questions answered about how the process will work. I'll post more about that later.

Waffling

2009-12-15T15:06:00.002-05:00

I have been waffling these last few weeks about whether we should continue pursuing embryo adoption. There are so many waits and unknowns, which I know can be part any kind of adooption. But for one thing we still have not heard from Bethany. I have talked with the patient coordinator at the NEDC and she spoke with whomever at Bethany and confirmed that she has our name and our file is on her desk ready to be called. Once we finally get the ball rolling I know the home-study will take a little time to update with our agency and then we have to wait for Bethany to approve it (who knows how long that will take if the initial phone call takes a couple of months)! Plus there is a wait with NEDC even after everything is approved. And then after all of that it may not work or may take multiple tries. Not to mention all the drugs and injections you have to take during the process. I am not getting any younger.

My husband and I are still convinced that there is at least one more child in our future I just wonder if I have selected the right approach to bringing this baby home. Embryo adoption was most my decision. My husband fully supports it but does not have as strong a desire to go through the pregnancy part of it as I do. If for some reason the embryo adoption does not work our plan B has always been to go back to a traditional domestic adoption. I just wonder if my desire to "experience pregnancy" is a silly one that may lead to unnecessary expense and headache. Then my mind goes back to the fact that there are 500,000+ frozen embryos waiting for a chance to be born and that it would be an awesome privilege to be pregnant with one or more of them.

We will continue to pray about our decision. Previously I was confident that the timing was right for us and felt led to pursue embryo adoption this time around. I know the Lord does not promise any easy path even if we are inside His will. I just can't determine yet if these road blocks are things that should point me to domestic adoption or if they are road blocks set up by the evil one to deter us.

Thanks for letting me type out my conflicting thoughts.

Not much news

2009-11-21T05:58:00.002-05:00

I don't have too much to say in this post. It has been a while and feel like I should say something! We have finalized all our paperwork/tests with NEDC and are waiting for Bethany to contact us about the homestudy. We have been in this holding pattern since the beginning of November. I am so impatient. I want to keep things moving since I know there is a bit of a waiting list with the NEDC after all of this is taken care of. It is hard to understand why it is taking so long for Bethany to call. I did confirm with NEDC that they had received everything and sent our names to Bethany and they had. I guess they are busy and I will try to be patient, but after Thanksgiving I am going to start calling them to make sure they have not forgotten us before we even got started.

I am hoping the home study will be fairly simple (though there is still a mountain of paperwork). Our previous homestudy has not expired yet and we should be able to update it with our agency and just have Bethany review it. In the mean time I have contacted our agency and started a few things related to the update, but don't want to get too far without confirming our plans with Bethany.

Focus on the Family Radio Show- Snowflakes

2009-10-28T22:50:00.003-04:00

I was out driving today and I heard most of the Focus on the Family Radio program. It was about embryo adoption, in particular it was about the first snowflake adoption. It is always exciting to hear someone raising awareness of these precious lives waiting to have a chance. Here is a link if anyone is interested. Look for Focus on the Family Daily : A Snowflake Comes to Life (10/28/09)
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/about_us/dr_james_dobson.aspx

Unexpected Cost

2009-09-02T16:40:00.003-04:00

As I was preparing our paperwork yesterday I noticed that one item in the fee schedule was not listed. It said to see Bethany's website for more information. This fee is for the open agreement facilitation. Basically they help you and the donating couple agree on how much contact you will have when child(ren) are born and by what means (email, in-person, photos, etc). I could not find this information on their website so I called and they were very friendly and helpful. However, I was shocked to find that this fee is $3,000! It is a form document that you fill in the blanks to fit your needs. It seems ridiculous.

I have a lot of respect for the adoption agency that we have used in our previous adoptions. I know they view this as a ministry and certainly are not getting rich off of this line of work. And I am sure Bethany is the same. I am just a little shocked.

We had expected that we would pursue an open adoption. We have an open relationship with both of our girls' biological families. I think it is so nice to be able to answer all the "where do I come from questions". Unfortunately I think this additional fee will lead us to pursue an anonymous/closed adoption. We will continue to pray about it. As my husband said it is not like embryos from couples who want to remain anonymous deserve any less chance at life. It is also true that if we were pursuing a traditional adoption that we would not turn down a child simply because his would have to be a closed adoption.

2009-08-25T11:17:00.002-04:00

Hi. It has been a while since I posted. We don't have too much news on the embryo adoption front. We have to get something notarized this week and then we will be done with the application paperwork and wait to be contacted by Bethany Christian Services for the home study process. I will be curious to see which turns out to be easier, working with our previous agency and having Bethany review it or just having Bethany handle the whole thing. We will definitely go the cheaper, easier route if there is such a thing!

We have been busy with family and work, etc. Our older daughter recently celebrated her 3rd birthday! I can't believe she is already 3 and starting preschool in September. It sounds cliche but it really only seems like yesterday that we were bringing her home from the hospital. Our younger daughter is 9 months and recently started crawling and pulling up. They are keeping us on our toes! I really am not ready for another one, yet! But we continue on because we know by the time we finish all the paperwork and doctor visits we will be. Family planning is a little different for us. Instead of adding on the usual 9 months of pregnancy we know it will probably take more like 18-24 with all the extra steps, Lord willing.

Blood Work

2009-07-13T16:24:00.003-04:00

We're finally making progress towards getting our initial steps taken care of. I had my blood work done today. Glad to get that over with! I found out today that I am a big baby when it comes to being poked with a needle. You'd think all the tests I went through trying to discover the source of our infertility would have made me tougher, but I don't recall ever coming so close to passing out! It all started out okay. The lab workers were surprisingly pleasant. I went back to have blood drawn. I got assigned a student/trainee. She searched and searched for a vein in both arms. Finally she decided that she had found one and started poking me with her needle. She kept poking over and over for what seemed like forever (probably a minute or two). Then said she would have to go get someone. I thought I was handling it all pretty well, but as soon as she left the room I started seeing spots. I tried thinking about other things and breathing deeply, praying that I could get myself under control. Breathing deeply didn't help and my limbs were getting heavy. Then I started sweating. I remembered hearing you should put your head between your knees. Except I was stuck in the lab chair with an arm rest bar going across. In normal circumstances I could have just lifted the bar. I wasn't exactly thinking clearly. So I decided to just lay my head on the arm rest. Fortunately that helped almost immediately. Within seconds I was feeling much better. A minute or so later the experienced technician came in and drew the blood right away on the first try.

Nothing New

2009-07-02T11:25:00.003-04:00

I don't have too much to report. We still have not had our blood work done. Apparently you can't make an appointment at the lab we had decided to use so we just have to find some time to show up and wait which I am finding tricky with two little ones. I don't want to have to worry about them while I am getting this done. I am a wimp when it comes to being pricked. Hopefully we'll get that accomplished next week and we can move on to the next steps!

Have a good holiday weekend.

MYTH:Traditional Domestic Adoption Much More Expensive than Embryo Adoption

2009-06-25T14:54:00.006-04:00

I want to comment about the cost of domestic adoption. I have seen so many people say that domestic adoption is too expensive and that is one reason to consider embryo adoption. I have no doubt that God will call different families to different forms of adoption. Some feel led to pursue international adoption. This time we are choosing embryo adoption even though we have had two smooth domestic adoptions. However, I don't think the cost difference between embryo adoption and "traditional" domestic adoption is significant in most cases. Especially if someone is using cost as a major factor in the decision process.

The federal government and many state governments provide tax credits after an adoption is finalized. In the state of North Carolina that means you will receive approximately $16K in tax credits (Fed+State). If you do not earn enough money to be taxed $16K in one year, you may stretch it out over several years. Additionally, many companies are now offering some amount of reimbursement for adoptions. Even if your company has not done this in the past they may consider starting such a policy if you bring it up. The catch to all this is that you have to come up with the money before the adoption is final and the tax credits/reimbursements only come after finalization, so you may go quite a while before you get your money back. However, now there are even special loans you can apply for that will allow you to pay back when you receive your credits at no or very low interest.

The NEDC estimates the expense of an embryo adoption through their clinic to be around 4,800 to 6,400. If you add in the cost of medications that may be used during this process and hospital bills should you achieve pregnancy (even with good insurance), you wind up with a very similar amount. The government does not currently provide tax credits for embryo adoption.

Paperwork

2009-06-17T09:53:00.002-04:00

We received a packet in the mail from NEDC! Now the "fun" begins. As with a traditional adoption there is lots of paperwork and things to do: questionnaire about our family, letter to donating couples, gather a few recent pictures, transfer relevant medical records, blood tests. One thing I was not expecting is that my husband will also have to get blood tests. It makes sense because many of the diseases they test for are sexually transmitted, but it was a surprise. I guess it is kind of nice that he will experience a little poking and prodding too!

Hopefully the home study process will be fairly easy. We currently have a home study that has not expired from our last adoption. I know it needs to be updated, but surely that will be easier than starting from scratch (fingers crossed).

Application Received

2009-06-13T21:29:00.001-04:00

We got an email that our application was processed. Now I guess we wait for them to contact us. It is exciting and scary. One step down, a zillion to go. In the mean time I am trying to get into better shape and lose some weight. I was already starting this before we decided to do the embryo adoption, hopefully it will give me extra motivation!

All new to me

2009-06-09T15:15:00.000-04:00

Well this is all new to me. You'll have to excuse my inexperience as I make my first foray into the world of blogging. I am starting this blog as my husband and I start out on the journey of embryo adoption. We have just submitted our initial application with the NEDC (National Embryo Donation Center), so we are very early in the process. In fact I have not been tested or anything to make sure this is a realistic option for us. I think that it will be because when we last met with an RE (reproductive endocrinologist) we were told we were good candidates for IVF. However, that was about four years ago so we'll have to see.

As we wait to hear back from NEDC I have been reading all I can about embryo adoption and searching for other blogs by people who have gone through the experience. There are only a handful of blogs I have found so I want to add my experience to the mix for anyone else searching for that. I also just feel a personal need to "journal" our experience.